Hopelessly Devoted to David Oakes

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Hugh Jackman was just trying to be like David Oakes.

What these candidates are really fighting about is who is David Oakes' biggest fan.

(Sorry, guys. That title is already taken. We are not sharing with anyone else.)

BBQing like it's his job.

Justin Bieber has David Oakes Fever.

Because that would just be irresponsible.

One time David Oakes was pulled over for speeding.

He let the officer off with a warning.

"Yesssssss! David called me back!"

He lives vicariously... through himself.
His legend precedes him the way lighting precedes thunder.
His charm is so contagious they are trying to creative vaccines for it.
He's never says anything tastes like chicken... not even chicken.
Even his enemies list him as their emergency contact.
His personality is so magnetic, he is unable to carry credit cards.
He owns 4 sports cars and rents 5.
His hands feels like rich, brown suede.
He once punched a magician. That's right, you heard me.
He can speak Russian... in French.
His sweat smells like cologne.
Police often question him... just because they find him interesting.
If he were to punch you in the face, you'd have to fight off the urge to thank him.
He is the life of parties he has never attended.